Monday, March 4, 2013

Day #27

I've had this "syndrome" probably since college-the inability to be in the middle (middle child syndrome?). Not the middle of the road but extremes. My room was either OCD neat or it looked like Hurricane Gloria had gone through it (aw yeah. I'm dating myself here. If you were born after 1978, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about).

I either got a 3.94 GPA or a 2.97, I either had a steady boyfriend for years or I...well, I dated alot ;-). Balance is not something that comes easy to me. I don't sign up for a sprint triathlon as my first, I sign up for an Ironman and then work backwards from there.

I struggle with balance all the time. I don't just make an error, it's a catastrophic mistake. If I get an injury, I don't want to do ANYTHING. If I can't run 50+ miles a week, then I want to gorge myself on Ben & Jerry's (lactose intolerance really does not help with this) and curl up watching 20 hours of Law & Order.

My goal today, is to do what I CAN do, knowing that I can't do it all. And to adjust myself to the unexpected, getting myself to go towards my goals even if it's not in a straight path-and to accept that that path might be better than the one I intended. Ironic that I'm drawn to unpredictability yet it terrifies me as well. I think it's attached to my fear of being aware-because when you're aware, you can't lie to yourself.

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