It's amazing and it's happened to me a few times, although I think I forget about it each race. "I'm going to run x pace." Even if I hope for a faster pace, something happens where that's EXACTLY what I do. I do what, in my gut, I "know" I will do. This time, "I'm not racing, I'm using this as a training run." How could my body end up doing anything but that?? Of course, I knew I had IT band issues and that would factor in, but I was (perhaps not so secretly) hoping it would go away for this one race.
The weather was not optimal (raining, pretty windy), but the course was fair-just a few rollers. I wasn't feeling particularly "sparkly" at the beginning or before the race (husband/coach warned me I wouldn't-speed work during the week) but I felt like I could hold on out of sheer athletic ability. My IT band had other plans. Around mile 9 I developed the classic symptoms-tightness along the IT, knee giving out. When I started to take walking breaks I knew it was over, and all I could do was hold on to keep what was to do what I had originally planned- marathon pace. I know I shouldn't be disappointed-I wasn't going for a PR, but I can't help it.
Here's the rub: I haven't been doing core work, not really. Even though I know it's a big source of my IT band problems. So really, how can I be surprised that this happened? I haven't given my all.
I think you know, truly, when you've thrown absolutely everything you have at a goal-and I haven't, yet. Not truly. I'm thinking of this is my last-chance smackdown. If I go down (i.e. don't reach my goal) it's not going to be because I didn't try-and somehow that's scarier than NOT trying. What if I give my all and it's "not good enough".
Fear faced over this weekend? Being really, truly honest with myself.