Wednesday, January 23, 2013

30 Days of things that scare me...

Doesn't this sound like something that should be in an Eat Pray Love kind of book? Possibly. I saw an acquaintance start something like this about a week ago and I realized in it's simplicity how awesome it really is:

Stepping out of the comfort zone. I mean really, how hard could that be?

Um, yeah. Not so easy as it turns out. It's not necessarily the big changes that are scary-those either come at you like a freight train or you can thoughtfully prepare for them. There's a certain amount of intensity/force that's almost easier to reckon with.

I'm talking about the little things-you know, the small things that add up to keep you where you are except you only have a flicker of realization. Then quickly, it passes and you're back in your comfortable (if not healthy) groove.

So here's my start:

Day 1
Quit book club.
I KNOW. Right? For me, quitting ANYTHING (boyfriends, a sports team), causes a fair amount of anxiety. Quitting to me, leaving means failure, a certain amount of you screwed up-ness. I liked book club when I started, really really enjoyed meeting with other women and getting exposed to certain books I would never have otherwise read. changed, becoming more structured and less of what I wanted/needed in a book club. Leaving it to me meant leaving behind some of the people I had started to get to know and actually quite liked. That makes me sad.

Now, hold that thought. I almost NEVER WENT. Sanity check? I'm missing the potential of what I wanted to get out of book club rather than what I did get. So, I'm missing what I didn't actually get. Hmmmm. I didn't go because I didn't want to, but more because of life/work/schedule wasn't working for me. And you know what? THAT'S FINE.  I'm still having some anxiety (shhh, with the judging!) over not having that "possibility" anymore, but it will all be OK. It's New York. There are other book clubs.



Carry on...

No comments:

Post a Comment